JinGLe's Bell...

Can’t remember how long ago, I came across a song when I was doing something I can’t remember either.  Listening to it for the first time had made me categorize it into a not-bad list. This did not happen too much in the past.  It seems not arguable that it should a beautiful song with smooth and harmonic flow. Besides what traits it has to become a good melody, the name of song itself made me feel something different about this song. Just as it says,

' Sing , the last thing on your mind

the last word on your breath

i'll be the one to keep you

i'll keep you at your best

the last thing on your mind

...

i'll be the one to keep you

one disaster less

 ... ' 

Even I do not know what is the original purpose of this song, it might be too obvious for many people to think about anything else other than love feeling between two. Of course the same thought hit my mind right after I listened to its lyrics for a few second like what every other pop song talks about.  However, I started to feel something somewhat different when the melody played once more and more by my ear.

Yes, it is about love. To me, it sounds more than love between two persons. Lots of times love could extend to a broader sense. It made me think of our love towards our country, as a whole, the love towards hundreds of thousands of people who are suffering huge loss from natural disaster, the love towards billions of people who showed their support for victims etc. Sometimes it is just a mixed feeling, we care cause we love, we support cause we love, we feel sad cause we love and we feel excited also cause we love. This is all about us, even lots of us did not get affected. Several slides of moving moments happened during earthquake rescue back in China flashes through my mind. My heart is almost broken when I saw the picture of grieve scene of 130 million Chinese mourning for the loss from this disaster for three minutes across every corner of the world. It is more than what my heart can bear. It is too much for my spirit to spring back from. Words such as ' disaster' or 'tragedy' just are not enough to address the pain. Raw grief for those I do not know and never will.

By witnessing friends and family around showed great and unlimited care and support to those people affected most by the earthquake, I deeply feel that, this time, every single of us, as a Chinese of black eyes and yellow skin, stands together shoulder by shoulder. Natural disaster is unstoppable which has been proved by many well known moments in human civilization history. Its devastating impact may drive people into desperation. But it did not quite happen this time even the severe magnitude of the earthquake is unprecedented. But it is the people, including PLA soldiers, all of people help rescue, showed that we can do something against every misfortune since we believe the same and care each other.

If we agree with what Alexis Carrel said about hardship :

'Hard conditions of life are indispensable to bringing out the best in human personality.'

Then we should realize we also gained something this time. That is the fact that 130 million Chinese get closer by going through all of this misfortune together, heart to heart. Let us remember this special moment and pray for future. We will be better, we will.

I will be the one to keep you.

I will be the one to keep you at your best.

不要被题目所误导,虽然是新年,不过我早已过了20,甚至也过了可以回忆20的年龄.不幸被点名，现以作答。望点名者满意。为积攒人品，这次就不点名了。

我的回答：

1. 你最难忘的一件事是什么？

答：回首人生，历数旧事，太多难忘，选出任何一件都会让其他失色，没办法，有些事情记性就是太好。

2. 你会选择爱你的人还是你爱的人？

答：两者兼具难道不是选择的前提么。现实的无奈只是借口，清醒的认识才是实质。

3. 最近最郁闷的事?

答：不得不接受实验中的头绪可以乱到和感情一样。

4. 你最希望从朋友（不包括爱人）那里得到的是什么？

答：理解，信任。

5. 你最想去哪个地方？为什么？

答：爱琴海中的一个小岛。在那仿佛可以找到与历史中，传说中的伟大爱情的切合点，时空交汇。

6. 你在2008年最大的心愿?

答：在PhD的生涯上迈出更大一步。

7. 推荐一家你认为好吃又实惠的美食店。

答：长沙的“无名”。地道，实惠，而且口味正。你会爱上它，只要你不讨厌辣椒。

8. 你梦想结婚的地点或方式是什么？

答：午后，蓝天白云之下，水边的阳光，暖风，绿地，白地毯，亲友的祝福．．．凝视远方，等待那身着乳白婚纱的她，那一刻，是人生中最动人心玄的时刻．．．

9. 说出你一个秘密，你觉得算的就行，程度不限。

答：秘密就是：我这个人秘密还蛮多的。

10.遇到喜欢的人，你是勇敢表白还是默默关注？

答：会勇敢地用非表白的方式，来积极的关注。

11.说出点你名的人的3个优点(不可删除题)

答：善良，聪慧，行动力强（外表评价没有含在答案内）

12.如果人生可以重来，你最想改变的是什么？

答：以作画和音乐创作为生，用自己的笔，和声音纪录这个世界的风景，人和人的情感。

13.如果你有一百万，你怎么花?

答：那时候我会想‘什么时候我会可以问自己‘如果我有一千万，该怎么花？’”。

14.你对你的近况满意吗？有什么需要改变？

答：算满意。正在修正自身行事风格。生活这两点同时出现，并不矛盾，特别是当惊喜大于烦恼的时候。

15. (渴望) 他/她为你做的最浪漫的事情？

答：（渴望）彻底地，倾心地，被她所做的震撼，为她的勇气和用心而觉得幸福。有很多人目睹的话，那感觉会更不一样。也希望有一天可以对她做。

16.你最讨厌的一件事是什么？

答：不守信用。

17.如果明天是世界末日，你会和谁在一起？

答：如果我只有一天时间来证明些什么，我会选择父母。他们是我最需要报答，但又最没机会报答的人。（前提是２４小时内能到达长沙，不然又要让某些人占便宜了）

18.最近常听的一首歌/曲子是什么？

答：‘Hey There Dilelah’ by Plain White T’s。　不错的一首歌。

19. 情人节最想要的礼物是什么？

答：细数已经很多年没有收过情人节的礼物，都不知道现在年轻人都流行什么。心中没有太多想法，有纪念意义的礼物应该会很不错吧．

20. 你为什么要回答这篇这么长的问卷？

答：1）以前欠的。出来混总是要还的。2) 有些人比较８ｇ．

记得去年的九月，也是一个多事的，反复的，九月。那时的天气也是如此天高气爽。那时的心情也是如此反复，茫然。那时的人，也是多么需要被唤醒。记得那时，也写过一片日志记下那时的心情。再看此刻，虽然九月已经轻轻走过，落叶也开始随风飘下，但确不想让沉睡的人，一直沉睡下去。

说到“沉睡”，这可以是过去的一个月的生活状态的强烈反照。多亏老板“看的起”我，交给我一个月负责完成一个新的整套THz TDS Spectrometer系统. 于是，我们三个人就开始进行没日没夜的自我摧残中。当然这种自我摧残也少不了外界Deadline压力的无形阴影。全天候24小时，作战数日，在我的roomate在debate Jingle是已经退出RPI了呢还是 身体出了什么状况的问题 之前, 我们终于完成了任务，回归到正常的非牲口生活。系统按照要求寄出去，结果还是迟了两个星期。其中主观，客观原因众多，客观原因就不说，没有必要怨天怨地怨人民。主观原因在事后老板总结的时候，基本上可以得到体现。比如，Time Management 不够强 ，工作中有时候personal电话时间过长(各位有关同志注意配合，谢谢)，花在实验室时间完全可以再多一倍（据说结论从my colleagues 的survey中来，提到课余生活commitment过多），很多方面经验不足,  组织纪律性不强 （当然去GE intern后有些好转） etc. 只有这一次，在老板的批评下，我没有半点反驳no self defending. 也许，这就是事实，也许这就我的缺点，需要改进的缺点。在我身上无比明显，却始终不重视的缺点。反驳，也许只是一种不愿面对，一种逃避的表现。严师出高徒，我有严师，个子算高，就不知道能否成个高徒了。在严肃谈话末尾，老板看到我陷入深刻反省的冥想中，说了一句，“你有些象我以前的学生Chris Wu”。自己的名字能和传说中的牲口级Physics PhD, Corning 牛人Chris Wu放在同一个句子中，而且中间没有反义动词，低落的心情还是得到些许宽慰。

论衡言，“人有所优，固有所劣；人有所工，固有所拙”。不可否认，对于一个25.92岁的人，身上的优缺点也随着年纪，经历，慢慢显现出来。对于这个年纪，对孩子一般的包容也不适应，对经世的人的严格也不完全适用。这是一个需要寻找自我，认清自我，培养自我的年龄。一个人对于身上的有些缺点，早已看到，早已听到，但确没有丝毫深刻去反省。这就我，一个真实的人，远不完美的人。虽然大多时候是用完美主义自居，但事实证明，有时候这只是一层骗人的面纱，只是一个回避缺点的理由，只是一个害怕真实的借口。现在想想，不由的到抽一口冷气。恍然回首过去，有无数的遗憾。过去的遗憾无法改变，但如果让这些错觉般的自我定位继续下去，那些缺点将会在将来铸成一个更大的遗憾。谁也不知道这是否终究会发生在我身上，但至少在它发生之前，让我给自己一个机会，喘息，沉静，反思。不知道有多少人愿意在每个人面前，坦诚自己的缺点。但我知道，身边有人可以，现在我也知道，我也可以。

自负。不知道何时别人开始说我自负，但随着成长，心态也时上时下，导师说，很浮。导师几年来第一次跟我讲中文就是说的“你要老老实实，踏踏实实，做学问”，可见他对我的忍无可忍。他说，你的头脑是父母给的，但怎么用是你自己的事。我明白。应该象我妈一样有工程师实事求是的态度。

自私。虽然说的不像自负那么多，但每次听起来都很刺耳。记得我曾经是多么单纯和无私，同学之间请求，乞丐面前的饭碗，沿路诈骗的“请求”，我都从来都没犹豫过。至少和自私挂不上边，而且很看不起自私的人。那时的我肯定很不懈现在的刘晶乐吧。不知是不是现实让人自私。内心中，我很痛恨自私的人，就像痛恨我后妈一样。

自恋。开玩笑的时候听到最多。也许这不是玩笑。生活在自己的世界，会让人不真实，看不到别人的优点，自己的缺点。虽然很不愿意承认这个似事而非的事实，但是也就认了吧。如果别人都有这个想法，那也就是问题，either这就是事实，or你错给别人印象就是如此。Either way, 都是自己身上的问题。自此，对车内后视镜被本人过度适用的同学，表示诚挚的道歉。

急躁。这也许是有些遗传的原因。各位爷爷姥姥，千万别介意。知道以前没少拿你们的压岁钱，不应该在这里倒家底，不孝。没法，我这人就说话就是急躁。急于求成，是古代兵家，皇政之大忌。尤其是对于一个领导者，这是最不能容忍的。对于恋爱，这点也是让对方承受不了的。要想成功，显然我还有很多路要走。

随性。水流至何方，人就到何处。在古代，作为大侠倒是一种洒脱的情节。到如今，却倒像一种放纵，随性，无责任感的自我解嘲。曾经的生活，过于放纵，是时候该收敛了。曾经的态度，过于随性，是时候收心了。曾经的习惯，过于无责任感，是时候认真了。光有野心是不够，没有责任感，自然成就不了什么事。对于感情，没有责任感的约束，结果是可想而知的。历史，不需要被重演。

当然，还有很多其他的缺点。现在就写这么多，就算为了明天醒来时还会有些许信心继续生活下去吧。也要感谢除了我父母之外敢于如此直接,毫不留情指出我众多缺点的两个人。你们都让我的自尊心受到前所未有的考验。我会永远记住你们的。

拉罗什富科曾经说过，我们承认我们的缺点，是想用我们的真诚来弥补人们因这些缺点对我们形成的不利看法。在生活很多方面，我承认自己是个弱者，甚至是个败者，但不知一份真诚可不可以让人坚强。如果真的是这样，那我希望

假如生活是船,那么真诚就是船上的帆;假如生活是无垠的天空,那么真诚就是雨后的彩虹；假如把生活比作钟表,那么真诚就如钟表上不可缺少的时针,指引你生活的方向。

When is the last time you sat down and wrote a letter by hand?

In this day and age, writing is a rare thing to do. People usually communicate electronically now that everyone has an email address and mobile phone. It is just so easy to click ‘send’ button to send an email, so quick to make a call from your phone directory. As fast food is getting more dominating in people’s dietary nowadays, is there any chance for those genuine, authentic and delicate cuisine which is also time consuming to survive?   

If you never write a real letter or it has been a while you have not, you should try it. There is something nice about putting ink to paper. You can do it outside or in an easy chair without the glow of computer. With the hectic status of busy life, I was definitely going down the path of not tending to write letters for a number of years. Then about a while ago, I just come across the idea again that there is no other better way to communicate than writing a letter when people are physically or mentally remotely apart.

It is also much more personal to open an envelope and unfold a letter. The familiar writing on paper can really talk and pour out what one thinks with full sincerity. It just feels different. I think it is a classical thing. You can either enjoy the romantic idea of it or genuineness of not-easy-said written words if you could be patient enough to wait for the interchange of the letter. It is kind of exciting. It just means a lot more than an email. It is also a significant gesture.

When is the last time you wrote a letter? Can you think of anyone who would like to receive one? 

When the days of June are coming along...

'Then....' I also wonder what will happen then... In the journey of wandering about the answer, the days of June has passed by quietly, freely and without making any big wave. For quite a long period of time, life has not been such placid and smooth. Not too many parties, not too much hang out, not too much crowd, not too much alcohol, not too much club music... No, not at all. Those things used to be regular customers to my daily life, now, have gone away with the days of June. Fading away, away...away enough to be at the edge of my life outside circle if those things have not totally disappeared in my life.

Instead, 9am-5pm work fills up my day time while piano, history & art book reading, pencil sketch, tennis make my night hours. This is all current my life. I do not have that much time to go out as often as before, furthermore, I do not feel like to. Working for big company is always exciting. But people do need to have their own private life where you can give yourself more time to get the work off the mind and painting different color on other parts of your life by doing some your own stuffs. Reading books, thinking alone, being immersed in soft music, moving pencil on paper, these things makes up my 'life palette'. Just suddenly realized that life is so short and no matter how much you have done, you still have so many things to do and so many people to meet ahead... but do you know yourself enough for your age? Apparently, for me, the answer is definitely NO.

In the past years, like a curious kid, I have been investing most of my time and energy on exploring the outside world... working hard, playing hard, not loving hard, but still asking for more, being aggressive, being over energetic... all of those characterizes my past three years. In my life, I heard quite a lot of saying or 'rumors' all over around through people, people through people, or people through people through people etc. Those words are pretty much all about my personality or behavior in perspective of others. Sometimes I feel it never ends until people die out or I extinguish. Isn't it funny and ironical that to some extent, I got to know myself more from what people said than from my own thinking? Yeah, I admit that I did not take too much time to look at myself and think about what is going on inside me. Maybe life could be as hectic as possible, but that is just an excuse. 'Even the fastest train in the world will still need to stop when it comes to the right station.' Perhaps, it is the time to pull it over and have a thorough check-up. Sitting by the window in the my apartment, overlooking the view of serene Harvard University campus, listening to the pleasant melody, there is no better occasion to slow down, think, explore, wait, imagine, hope...like it is right now. Some times staying away from crowd can really make it much easier to find out what person I really am.

It is said that unlike girls, a boy usually grow up into a man just overnight. Of course, this is not exactly my case.But it seems like the train of my life is starting another new journey now. I don't know where it exactly heading to. But I do know it would be going with different rhythm, different pace, different tone and different mood from before. Past three years gave me a lot of unique life experience, chances to grow, and opportunity to learn. And I cherished what I gained through the 'busy life' while feel regretful about what I lost through this 'busy life'. But fortunately, as a young man, I still have many chances to pursuit what I am looking for from the bottom of heart rather than getting stuck with the superficial, temporary 'chaos of being high'.

Allright. Time to crank up the new life locomotive with use of more clean and green energy. Maybe it is like 'Ecomagination' – quote from GE's new strategy theme and commitment. Not 100% sure about what following life journey would be but there should be a few things can not be missed or need to be stressed:

More punctual habit, more responsible work, more organized life, more serious relationship, more stable emotion, more solid achievement.

Less casual habit, less impulsive hehavior, less crazy chaos life, less unrealistically romance, less high-profile, less entertaining news.

Sincerely hope anyone never hesitate to be honest with me and share advice or thoughts to help this waking up young man grow...